The Record Buys All Student Publications
An Underclassman '21 | Probably An Editor
The Hotchkiss Press might be the busiest spot on campus. The many editors-in-chief on campus know the printing press is hidden next to the student store, and it is the place where student-run publications such as Spectrum, The Hotchkiss Review, and Pop da Palette come to life. Including these magazines, The Record will be buying all student-run publications on campus to create The Record Co.
After considerable discussion with the administration and the alumni relations committee, The Record has gained substantial support and 5,000,000 dollars in funds to create The Record Co. For example, distinguished alum Allison Janney ’77 and Academy Award winner donated and said, “I have my security hand me the new issue of The Record every other Thursday to read in between takes on set.”
Students, do not fear! All student-run publications will continue to exist as subsets of The Record Co. Before the creation of a new dining hall or reconstructing Memorial dorm, the administration has agreed to put their efforts towards the construction of a specialized building for The Record Co. in New York City on Wall Street. The address will be 199 West St, New York, NY 10282.
The Record’s decision to buy all student-run publications comes with perks. There is a new rule requiring all student-run publications to have each and every copy of their issues printed at The Record Co., especially because we carry the highest quality of printing paper. Every publication will also have The Record Co.’s logo on the top right of each issue printed. Every other Sunday, The Record board traditionally gathers in Room 202 of the Science Building. However, effective immediately, our president, Nicholas Lorentzen '20, has hired a bus to drive the board to The Record Co. headquarters for editing. When needed, the new arrangement will be available for all student-run publications on Sundays, with the bonus of caviar available at brunch.
The Record Co. headquarters and all members of the board will be following a strict dress code throughout the day. When attending school or at the headquarters, everyone must be wearing black pants, a white top, and a blazer. We invite everyone to follow the dress code in support of The Record Co.
Rumor has it, Mr. Bradley will be declaring a holiday in honor of The Record Co.